I bought the Rhino a couple of years back, in New Westminster, BC. It cost two dollars at the Dollar Store – what's that all about? Unlike most plastic farm yard animals, this Rhino is faithful to it's inspirational original, the Greater Indian Rhinoceros, right down to its bumps and nobblies, its great big folds of armour and its singular horn of compressed hair. Though the plastic version weighs about 4,799 lbs less than the real thing, it's heavy, solid, completely awesome and makes an impressive paper weight on any desk, especially mine.
And so it was that one day, with brushes in hand, I set about pimping my Rhino with six coats of glorious greys. Each stroke was turning shiny plastic into mottled, thundering beauty and day by day a dinosaur was coming to life before my eyes. That was until life got in the way. Today, my Greater Indian Rhinoceros stands as a proud testament to unfinished business; to great ideas shackled by time and place; to inspiration restrained by duty; to a thousand and one visions that should be realised but likely never will be. Today, years after dropping two loons on the counter, all that remains painted is the Rhino's ass. And though it is beautiful in its own gargantuan way, it is unfortunately incomplete, a work in progress, brilliance on the cusp, a victim of distraction and responsibilities.
And so was born this website.
Also a work in progress, The Rhino's Ass will simply never be complete even if we all worked 24/7 for the rest of our natural lives, if only because this website is destined to document those very lives till the last breath... mine or yours. The site will eventually fill out with photos, movies, songs and other sundries – building an online record of the trials, tribulations and triumphs of myself, my lovely Laura, our unbelievable baby girl and boy, Baxter and many of our closest friends and family, as we all stumble through time with reckless abandon, much like the site's namesake – the Greater Indian Rhinoceros.
I'm most happy you've dropped in but I'd be remiss in my duty if I didn't warn you... browse at your own risk. This is a family website but it wasn't built for Disney. Like the Rhino's rear, it's a little crusty in places and certainly not the work of a god-fearing servant of the P's & Q's. If something does offend you, please attempt to stop reading immediately. If not completely incapacitated by the sheer weight of your own horror, try navigating to another page. Shy of that, give me a call. I do enjoy at least one really good laugh every day.
The Rhino’s Ass is available in Braille and made from 100% Canadian pixels